Finding the right surrogate to help you grow your family – one with whom you can easily connect and communicate – is key to a successful journey. That’s why our match process for intended parents (IPs) and surrogates is so thorough. For our team, there is nothing more rewarding than seeing the beautiful relationship that develops between IPs and surrogates as they navigate the journey together to create a happy family.
We are honored to share the story of first-time parents Karen and Thomas. They welcomed their son Peter in November 2023 with the help of their surrogate Ilona, and in the process, developed a lasting bond.
What led them to surrogacy
Karen and Thomas decided to pursue surrogacy after several years of unsuccessful fertility treatments. While they were able to create embryos, they experienced three failed transfers and knew it was time to explore other options. After learning about Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions from Thomas’ older sister, who had a friend that had worked with our agency, they reached out to start the process of matching with a surrogate.
While the match process often takes six months or more, Karen and Thomas were the exception. They were matched quickly with Ilona, who chose them out of several IP profiles she had reviewed because of how genuine they were in their profile.
A Zoom meeting with Ilona and her husband Zack confirmed they had found the right match, and everyone was eager to move forward.
A difficult start to their journey
Ilona’s initial transfer was scheduled to take place in December 2022 with all hope riding on the single embryo that Karen and Thomas had left from their last IVF cycle. Unfortunately, the embryo didn’t survive the thawing process, and they were unable to do the transfer.
“It was one of the most devastating things I think for all of us because we were all there together in the doctor’s office,” Karen says. “In a fortuitous sequence of events, Thomas and I had decided to do one last egg retrieval just in case, which was scheduled for the same day as the transfer. It was devastating because that afternoon when the transfer didn’t happen, we only had the potential for something; we didn’t have any real steps forward.”
Thankfully, Karen’s egg retrieval was successful, and they ended up with two more embryos. However, it meant Ilona going through the process a second time to prepare for another transfer.
“There was never any indication that Ilona and Zack were going to look for other IPs after the first transfer didn’t work out,” Thomas says. “They made it clear they were with us for this journey, and they were incredibly supportive throughout the whole thing.”
Reassurance during the pregnancy
The second transfer in March 2023 was successful, and both couples were thrilled when a positive pregnancy was confirmed. Karen says the communication with Ilona during her pregnancy was fantastic, and they talked nearly every day.
Often, their discussions were focused on reassurance for Karen and Thomas that everything with the pregnancy was going according to plan.
“I think it’s important for surrogates to know that IPs have experienced a lot of traumas before getting to this point,” Karen says. “They have likely been through many disappointments before getting any kind of positive outcome. There may be a disconnect if the surrogate is really excited about something, but the IPs don’t have the same reaction. Personally, it was hard for me to be happy, and I think that might have surprised Ilona a little at the beginning. That part of me was not turned on anymore, and it took me a while to get there.
One of the things that was so great about Ilona was that she didn’t have the baggage of all the failed IVF attempts. Her experience with pregnancy had only been positive. She knew her body felt fine, and the pregnancy was going well. She was able to hold my hand through the journey and be my voice of reason to say, ‘this is how it’s supposed to be.’”
Thomas adds, “One of the things I didn’t anticipate is how important it is for IPs and surrogates to be on the same page about the level of communication expected. Ilona was extremely communicative, which is what we needed and wanted. She and Zack were confident this was going to work out for us. The frequent updates and their confidence and positivity was reassuring to both of us.”
Ilona was committed to doing everything she could to help make the pregnancy a positive experience for Karen and Thomas. “It’s hard to fathom what IPs go through when I’ve never had anything bad happen with a pregnancy,” she explains. “Through this journey, I realized how blessed I really am to be able to carry a healthy baby. I spent most of my journey focused on how to make Karen and Thomas feel like this was also their pregnancy. I wanted to make this time as special and amazing as I could for them.”
Karen adds, “Ilona knew pregnancy was something I wasn’t going to get to experience, so she wanted me to know what she was feeling and what she was going through physically and emotionally. We would facetime during her doctor appointments, which was awesome. Her OB was also great about making us feel included in the pregnancy.”
Delivery day
The delivery day came sooner than expected for everyone when Ilona’s doctor recommended an induction at 37 weeks because she was concerned about the potential for meconium in the amniotic fluid if the pregnancy continued. Karen and Thomas quickly shifted their plans and traveled from their home in Arizona to Oklahoma to be with Ilona during the delivery.
“We had talked in advance about who would be where [during the delivery],” Karen said. “I was at the head of the bed with Ilona and got to watch Peter being born. I think I cried the whole time. There was so much emotion and relief and disbelief. I don’t think I was 100% confident we were going to have a baby until he was actually here.”
During Ilona’s pregnancy, Karen and Thomas opted to keep the gender a surprise. Only Zack knew because he had read the results of the genetic testing done on the embryos.
“During the delivery, I was behind the curtain because no one wanted to see me pass out,” Thomas says. “When the baby was out, I heard him crying and called out, “can I get a gender?’ Seeing him for the first time was amazing. I don’t think there’s anything that could have prepared me for that first moment of being a parent. It was lifechanging. I could feel my heart filling up with love for him.”
The best part of their journey
Karen and Thomas have settled into a routine and are enjoying life as first-time parents with sweet baby
Peter. They still talk with Ilona and Zack often and send photos of Peter, which Ilona says she loves receiving.
When they reflect on their journey, Thomas says the best part by far is the relationship he and Karen have developed with Ilona and Zack. “Everyone from the agency to the medical team was fantastic and easy to work with, but what really made the journey special for us was Ilona and Zack. They were so understanding and confident and optimistic that this would work for us. We got smiled upon when they came into our lives.”
We help Intended Parents Create Happy Families via Egg Donation & Surrogacy with the help of caring Egg Donors & Surrogates.
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