The way we talk about family matters. After all, you may have a preferred grandparent name like Grammy, Nai-Nai, Pappaw or Nana.  In the same way, it is important to call each person by the correct name, such as “donor,” “surrogate,” and “parent.” 

Avoid using words like “real” or “biological” to decide who counts as a parent. Your grandchild’s parents are already real. Donors and surrogates are important helpers with their own names and roles. 

The right words give everyone a special and truthful place in the family’s story.

A Grown Up’s Quick Vocabulary Guide

Egg: A reproductive cell that provides half of the genetic material needed to create an embryo. 

Sperm: A reproductive cell that provides the other half of the genetic material needed to create an embryo. 

Embryo: The earliest stage of development after an egg and sperm join. 

Uterus: The organ inside a person’s body where an embryo can attach and grow during pregnancy. 

Egg donor: A person who provides eggs to help another person or couple create embryos. 

Sperm donor: A person who provides sperm to help another person or couple create embryos. 

Embryo donor: A person or couple who provides an embryo to help someone else have a child. 

Intended parent: A person who plans to become the child’s parent and raise the child. During surrogacy, this term helps distinguish the parents from the person carrying the pregnancy. 

Surrogate: A person who carries a pregnancy for another person or couple. 

Gestational carrier: Another term for a surrogate who does not provide the egg and does not share a genetic connection with the baby. 

Genetic connection: A biological connection created through the egg or sperm. A genetic connection is one part of a person’s story, but it does not define every family relationship. 

Adoption: A legal process through which a child born to one set of parents permanently becomes part of another family. Adoption is different from donation and surrogacy 

Questions To Ask The Parents:

• What words will you use for the donor or surrogate? 

• What would you like us to say when the baby begins asking questions? 

• What parts of the story may we share with relatives and friends? 

• Are there details that should remain private? 

• Is there a special name the family will use for the donor or surrogate? 

• How would you like us to talk about genetic connections? 

• Is there a special way you plan to recognize or celebrate the donor or surrogate? 

• What should we say if someone asks an intrusive or inappropriate question? 

• Are there books or resources you would like us to read? 

• How can we best support you during the journey? 

The most important question may be the simplest: 

“How can I help?”