Once intended parents (IPs) have chosen a donor, and she begins the medical screening process, our coordinators at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions will ask the IPs to write a letter to their donor that will be shared with her before or at the retrieval. Receiving the letter is often a wonderful surprise for the donor that further validates her decision to help create a family. It allows for a sense of connection with the IPs and helps her to truly understand the difference she is making in their lives.
If you’re unsure about writing a letter to your donor or the impact it will have, consider these responses some of our donors shared upon receiving a letter from their IPs.
It was the coolest thing because it let me know a little bit about them and their family, as well as why they chose me to be their donor.
Before the retrieval they sent me a letter telling me all about them and their journey and how grateful they felt for my willingness to be an egg donor. It made me even more sure in my decision to donate and that we truly were meant to be matched! I love feeling a connection to the IPs by knowing more about them. It made me cry (in a good way). It just reinforced what I was doing, and it was so sweet and thoughtful. I felt they were very genuine and was so happy I could make that difference for them.
I enjoy knowing they felt the same as I do about this journey. It made me feel special, like we had a connection.
I smiled the entire time and ended up crying happy tears. I loved hearing their story and felt a special connection to them.
Here are some tips to consider when writing a letter to your donor.
1. Let her get to know you
Share as much about yourself and your story as you are comfortable including. You can talk about your hobbies, your career, your fertility journey, how important having a child is to you, etc. For couples, consider sharing how you met and how long you have been together. Just as it’s important for you to feel a connection with your donor in reading her profile, she will love getting to know you through your letter.
2. Explain why you chose her
There is reason you chose your donor. Perhaps it is a common interest or experience, similar features, her answers to the profile questions or her motivation for becoming an egg donor. Whatever the reason, she will appreciate knowing why you chose her out of all the other potential donors.
3. Acknowledge her commitment and sacrifice
Being an egg donor is not easy. It requires following strict guidelines, giving herself injections, numerous medical appointments and procedures, and time away from work and family (especially if she’s traveling). Acknowledge your donor’s sacrifice and commitment to the process and let her know how much you appreciate her.
4. Share what having a child means for you and your family
Describe the life you envision with your future children. What will having a child mean for you, your partner, the grandparents and extended family? Sharing this with your donor will help her
realize the incredible gift she is providing for a family.
5. Take your time
Don’t feel pressured to finish the letter in one sitting. It may take several drafts before you are happy with it. Take the time to process your feelings and what you want to say to your donor.
6. Read examples and ask for help if needed
We have examples of letters from former IPs on our website that may be helpful to review if you are having a hard time getting started on a letter to your donor. Please also reach out to our team at Egg Donor Solutions and let us know how we can help you. We are always here to support you!