The overall experience of infertility and managing a surrogacy journey is trying for many couples. It’s rare that we have an opportunity to hear from both partners about their shared experience of building their family through surrogacy. We are grateful to Sara and Josh for sharing their journey to parenthood and how it made them stronger as a couple.
Matching with their surrogate When Sara and Josh first decided to pursue surrogacy to create their family, the plan was for Josh’s sister to be their carrier. However, after a chemical pregnancy followed by a failed transfer, everyone agreed that it would be best for them to find another surrogate, so they reached out to Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions. They were prepared for the match process to take several months, but it only took two weeks to connect with their surrogate Catie.
“Catie’s profile stood out to us because she had been a surrogate before, so we knew she understood everything that is required,” Sara says. “She also seemed smart and level-headed. Initially, we were focused on those things and the medical aspect of surrogacy. We weren’t necessarily looking for a social relationship, but we have developed one through this process.”
Josh adds, “We hit the jackpot with Catie. We really like her and her husband Steven and their kids.”
Once Catie was cleared medically by Sara and Josh’s doctor and the legal paperwork was completed, everyone was excited to get started. This time, the first transfer was successful.
Being only two hours apart with Sara and Josh in Tulsa and Catie and her family in Norman, Oklahoma, they were able to attend nearly all of the appointments with Catie’s doctor.
Welcoming baby Amelia Sara and Josh stayed at a friend’s house in Norman the day before Catie was scheduled to be induced, then went to the hospital the next day, taking Chick Fil-A for the labor and delivery nurses at the advice of their coordinator Angela.
Once Catie’s Pitocin was adjusted, things moved very quickly. “This was Catie’s fourth birth. She was a champ and knew exactly what to do,” Sara says. “Two pushes, and baby was out. Catie didn’t even flinch!”
They named their daughter Amelia, after Amelia Earhart. When describing what it was like to see Amelia for the first time, Josh says, “It was an emotional rollercoaster. I thought, ‘Is this real?’ I couldn’t believe we were finally at the end.”
Navigating the difficult journey Josh and Sara’s journey began long before they decided on surrogacy. Like many IPs, by the time they came to Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, they had already experienced years of infertility issues and dealt with many devastating losses when the treatments didn’t work.
“It’s hard because you want kids so bad,” Josh explains. “One of the hardest things was watching the emotional and physical toll it took on my wife. She had all of these IVF procedures but no actual pregnancies, and sometimes we didn’t feel well prepared for the recovery process. Procedures that were explained as being minor were actually invasive and then suddenly I was having to care for Sara when she was in pain for days.”
Sara adds, “The part that doesn’t get talked about enough is the emotional toll it also takes on your partner. The medical staff tends to focus on the woman as the patient, but Josh was suffering with the losses just as much as I was.”
When asked how they supported one another, Sara says, “We did our best to recognize when one of us needed a break, and we made sure we were doing things outside of IVF. We tried to focus on living in the moment and doing things together rather than grieving that we didn’t have children. We took some great vacations!”
They also made sure to communicate often and openly. “This experience has forced us to work on our communication skills,” Josh explains. “We had to make decisions together that we had never faced before. There were ethical considerations like what to do with non-viable embryos. Those are things we didn’t think about beforehand.”
Sara adds, “It’s hard to know where we would be without this journey, but it has made us stronger in our relationship.”
They also have some advice for other IPs. “You have to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings and what you want and don’t want in this situation,” Josh explains.
Sara agrees. “We went back and forth a lot about being done and had to keep going back to have the conversation after each failed cycle. With surrogacy, it’s a matter of knowing what is important to you and holding firm to that. We prioritized more of the medical and scientific side of things whereas other IPs may prioritize the social emotional part of surrogacy.”
Family of three Today, Sara and Josh are enjoying life as a family of three with their sweet baby Amelia.
“She is the picture of health. We’re very fortunate in that regard,” Josh says. “I tell people that the hard part was making her. She’s a great baby and sleeps really well. We’re in the small percentage of new parents that get good sleep, so it all evens out.”
They are focused on their future and creating opportunities for Amelia. “We’re one and done,” Sara says. “Amelia is our little third wheel, and we’re taking her along for the ride. We’re looking forward to seeing her identity and personality as she grows and what kind of impact she will make on the world.”
Their plans for the future also include staying in touch with Catie and including her in special milestones like Amelia’s first birthday. Regarding her experience, Catie says, “Becoming a mother was learning unconditional love. Becoming a surrogate was getting to share that love. Both journeys are branded on my heart forever.”