Embarking on the journey of egg donation is an emotional and deeply personal experience for intended parents (IPs). The process brings hope, excitement, and gratitude as you take steps toward growing your family. One of the most meaningful ways to express this gratitude is by writing a letter to your egg donor. This small but powerful gesture helps create a connection and allows her to understand the profound impact she is making on your life.
At Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, we encourage IPs to write a letter to their donor once she begins the medical screening process. This letter is often shared before or at the time of retrieval, offering her encouragement and validation. Many donors have shared how much these letters mean to them—some have even described them as the most touching part of their experience.
If you’re unsure about how to write your letter, here are some ideas and guidance to help you craft something heartfelt and meaningful.
1. Let Her Get to Know You
Your donor was chosen with care, and she would love to know more about the family she is helping to create. Share as much as you are comfortable, including details about yourself, your partner, your career, hobbies, and what led you to this journey. If you are a couple, you might share how you met and what your life together looks like. This allows her to feel a sense of connection to you.
2. Explain Why You Chose Her
There was something about your donor that resonated with you—her personality, answers in her profile, interests, or physical traits. Let her know why you felt drawn to her. Was it her kindness? Her resilience? A shared cultural background? A simple acknowledgment of why she stood out to you can mean a lot to her.
3. Acknowledge Her Commitment and Sacrifice
Egg donation is not an easy process. It involves medical screenings, hormone injections, multiple clinic visits, and time away from work or family. Recognizing her dedication and the effort she is putting into helping you will make her feel valued and appreciated. A simple “We know this process requires commitment, and we are so grateful for all you are doing” can make a significant impact.
4. Share What Having a Child Means to You
Perhaps the most meaningful part of your letter is sharing how much this journey means to you. What does parenthood look like in your dreams? What kind of life do you envision for your child? Whether it’s imagining bedtime stories, holiday traditions, or family adventures, sharing these hopes can help your donor understand just how much her gift is changing your future.
5. Speak From the Heart
You don’t need to be a poet or an expert writer to craft a meaningful letter. What matters most is that your words come from the heart. Be honest, be sincere, and let her know how much this opportunity means to you and your family.
6. Take Your Time
Writing this letter may bring up a lot of emotions, and that’s okay. You don’t have to rush—take your time to process your feelings and find the words that best express your gratitude. If needed, write a few drafts and revisit your letter with fresh eyes.
7. Know That Your Words Make a Difference
Many donors have shared how much receiving a letter meant to them. Some have said it reassured them that they were truly meant to be matched with their IPs, while others expressed how the connection made them feel even more invested in the process. Here’s what some donors have said about receiving letters from their intended parents:
- “It was the coolest thing because it let me know a little bit about them and their family, as well as why they chose me to be their donor.”
- “Before the retrieval, they sent me a letter telling me all about their journey and how grateful they felt. It made me cry (in a good way). I felt a true connection to them.”
- “I smiled the entire time and ended up crying happy tears. I loved hearing their story and felt a special connection to them.”
8. Listen to Stories of Resilience
If you want to understand more about the emotional journey of egg donation and fertility struggles, listening to personal stories can be incredibly impactful. In this powerful podcast episode, Erin shares her personal story of resilience as she navigated leukemia and its impact on her fertility. She candidly discusses the challenges she faced during her cancer treatment, the emotional complexities of egg donation, and the critical role of advocacy in oncology. Erin emphasizes the importance of preventative care and highlights valuable resources available to women facing similar health journeys. Her story is a beacon of hope and a call to action for women to prioritize their health and explore their options, even in the face of adversity. Listen here.
9. Exploring Identity in Donor-Conceived Families
For those interested in understanding the experiences of donor-conceived individuals, this heartfelt episode of the Me, You, & Who podcast delves into the emotional and psychological impact of growing up in a donor-conceived family. The conversation highlights the importance of identity, sibling relationships, and meeting the donor. This candid discussion underscores the significance of transparency and early conversations within donor-conceived families, offering insight and advice for those on similar journeys. Whether you’re a parent, a donor-conceived individual, or simply curious, this episode provides a compassionate look at family and identity. Listen here.
Final Thoughts
Writing a letter to your donor is a small gesture with a big impact. It reassures her of the important role she plays in your journey and makes her feel valued for the selfless gift she is giving. If you’re struggling with what to say, you can look at examples on our website or reach out to our team at Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions for guidance.
As you prepare to welcome your future child, know that this simple act of kindness is one of the first steps in a journey filled with love and gratitude. Your words will stay with your donor long after the donation process is complete, just as her generosity will stay with you for a lifetime.